„God is against me. I think that God hates me. I have no idea what to do anymore. Been through too much. (…) ‚m trying. I very rarely get takeaways and am trying to be more disciplined. I’ve been stuck due to the consequences of abuse from others, eg I need operations. I’m being gaslighted by drs who i turned to for help. Ive discovered lots of lies or inaccuracies (…) I haven’t got the energy to challenge it all. And that’s not all, there’s much more. <etc etc>“
Pure victim mentality. It will do nothing and change even less.
First thing to overcome. It is not going to be easy because it seems these contours are now a part of your whole personality. You have check-mate yourself because one cannot start ANY CHANGE, one will NEVER gain or climb out of ANYTHING from the deep starting position that you are so very obviously already defeated.
That’s a hole that lacks a ladder to climb out of. AKA a Hell hole.
Self condemnation is real. You will dwell in victimhood forever because of fear. Fear makes people gravitate to what they know. For better or worse. In this case it is for worse. In the case of ‘waking up’ or getting to some kind of truth realization, it’s catastrophic. Since one should indeed be moving towards the unknown at all times or at least realize that one needs to move away from the known.
From the ‘poor me’ perspective, acceptable answers are first of all only acceptable if they come from ‚outside‘ (because there is no actual foundation to work with ‘inside’ anymore (ie: desperation has become the subject’s OS now). And so – even as answers, or help keeps coming – they are appreciated but never adopted or even applicable. There is no pathway or interface there.
It’s like pouring drinking water into the ocean to desalinate it. Or demanding it from others as the Salty body of water.
It will ultimately lead to frustration (and abandonment) on both sides.
As a self proclaimed perpetual ‚victim‘ the thing that feels best is that you seem to be in a familiar place at least. That is how the power of familiarity works. It’s comfortable at least. It is what one knows and recognizes in all the haze at least.
A comfort zone is great place to be but nothing has ever grown there. It promotes stagnation. Spiritual Sclerosis if you will. It is simply the place were you feel safest. The first prison of many to escape.
Try going and head first (but not blindfolded) into a manageable level of discomfort and see what happens.
The victim is a balloon that need not be cuddled by anyone else but a porcupine. ;;)
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