trauma

22. októbra 2024 12:50, Prečítané 337x, kristian66, Nezaradené

What is trauma? As I use the word, “trauma” is an inner injury, a lasting rupture or split within the self due to difficult or hurtful events. By this definition, trauma is primarily what happens within someone as a result of the difficult or hurtful events that befall them; it is not the events themselves. “Trauma is not what happens to you but what happens inside you” is how I formulate it. Think of a car accident where someone sustains a concussion: the accident is what happened; the injury is what lasts. Likewise, trauma is a psychic injury, lodged in our nervous system, mind, and body, lasting long past the originating incident(s), triggerable at any moment. It is a constellation of hardships, composed of the wound itself and the residual burdens that our woundedness imposes on our bodies and souls: the unresolved emotions they visit upon us; the coping dynamics they dictate; the tragic or melodramatic or neurotic scripts we unwittingly but inexorably live out; and, not least, the toll these take on our bodies.

When a wound doesn’t mend on its own, one of two things will happen: it can either remain raw or, more commonly, be replaced by a thick layer of scar tissue. As an open sore, it is an ongoing source of pain and a place where we can be hurt over and over again by even the slightest stimulus. It compels us to be ever vigilant—always nursing our wounds, as it were —and leaves us limited in our capacity to move flexibly and act confidently lest we be harmed again. The scar is preferable, providing protection and holding tissues together, but it has its drawbacks: it is tight, hard, inflexible, unable to grow, a zone of numbness. The original healthy, alive flesh is not regenerated. Raw wound or scar, unresolved trauma is a constriction of the self, both physical and psychological. It constrains our inborn capacities and generates an enduring distortion of our view of the world and of other people. Trauma, until we work it through, keeps us stuck in the past, robbing us of the present moment’s riches, limiting who we can be. By impelling us to suppress hurt and unwanted parts of the psyche, it fragments the self. Until seen and acknowledged, it is also a barrier to growth. In many cases, as in mine, it blights a person’s sense of worth, poisons relationships, and undermines appreciation for life itself. Early in childhood it may even interfere with healthy brain development. And, as we will witness, trauma is an antecedent and a contributor to illness of all kinds throughout the lifespan ….

“All trauma is preverbal,” the psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk has written.[4] His statement is true in two senses. First, the psychic wounds we sustain are often inflicted upon us before our brain is capable of formulating any kind of a verbal narrative, as in my case. Second, even after we become language-endowed, some wounds are imprinted on regions of our nervous systems having nothing to do with language or concepts; this includes brain areas, of course, but the rest of the body, too. They are stored in parts of us that words and thoughts cannot directly access—we might even call this level of traumatic encoding “subverbal.” As Peter Levine explains, “Conscious, explicit memory is only the proverbial tip of a very deep and mighty iceberg. It barely hints at the submerged strata of primal implicit experience that moves us in ways the conscious mind can only begin to imagine.”[5] so samovrahom sa prišiel do dverí blázinca rozlúčiť pod podmienkou, že ho budú mučiť, aby mohli šialenstvo s normálnosťou zlúčiť. Bol oktrojovaný psychiatrický reál, a víťaz v boji o život, ktorý som vzdal bez boja dostal metál….

Smiech cez slzy slané ako funerál; ´plané´ dieťa bolo označené, onálepkované, skaličené, umenšené; ferálny had ho uštkol, keď šiel regiment mentálne vyrušených dokola kol rozsypovať jeho popol….

spoločnosť vymiškovala asociála, lebo za to stála…..

v blázinci vyvreskoval, že ma v živote málo peskoval, že moje ´bytie za nič nestálo ´, že mi hlavou Satan ´probleskoval´, a on chce tancovať paso doble, lebo ´ja budem mať trable´; prebehne mučenie a kaličenie, keď sa ´pán dostaví a zjaví ako zjavenie´, keď ma zdravého rozumu pozbaví…

´pán´ si o teba ´robil starosť´ a musel hľadať kde by ťa ´pohřbil´…….

Zdravý rozum od, ktorého ma oprostil ako ´dobráka od kosti´ nad, ktorým sa zmráka; aha; ukazoval; on ´bedáka v márnici´; čaká ho rituálna poprava tak nech radšej všetko vykváka….

Bolesť zastrela vedomie, ktoré pán držal od môjho tela, aby ´úspechy zožal´; tvrdil, že mi na konci tunela zažal, že budem vykastrovaný, lebo som nedosiahol ´nič astronomické´, a môj ´život nie je ono´….

Z astronomického vrcholu som padal lebo sa ´pán´ vsadil, že ma zo spoločnosti vyradí, a moju existenciu vyhladí…..

Spôsobil mi ťažké ublíženie na zdraví traumatizovaním môjho bytia, ktoré ako reval; ´ľudia necítia´….a nevycítia, lebo ho strkal do riti paľovej z titulu, že ´ja nemám dosť energie vôľovej´….

dušu skrušoval do bodu keď ju vymiškoval, lebo jablko v rajskej záhrade nepadlo ďaleko od stromu, keď mi varil mozog na mäkko… ako kanibal, a ma v blázinci bičíkom šibal……, aby sa vedelo ´krom koho funguje spoločnosť ako švajčiarske hodinky´ pod nebesami chemtrail čiar…

od hanby som zozelenel pán na mňa reval; k noze…..

rozsekal moje bytia na franforce, lebo som ´těkal´……na mňa v blázinci halekal, že som jeho výkal…..

reval, že mu dlhujem ´život´, že ho ´slabo´ počujem, že som spopod mosta hobo, ktorý je na ceste voňať fialky odspodu, lebo som bol vysratý z Abrahámovho chámovodu, a je najvyšši čas prerodu v múmiu, ktorá vydrží submisiu….